I’ve written a few posts now but haven’t really said much about myself. I want to remain somewhat anonymous for the time being, just because I feel safer and more able to be open that way. Who knows what will happen in time though, I may become more public as I become more comfortable on here. I have written about my reasons to blog here.
Anyway, a few details for now. I’m in my 30s, female and am a qualified secondary school teacher in the north of England. I’m divorced but am happily in another relationship and have one beautiful daughter who is 8 years old. I like painting, doing online courses and reading.
My mental health issues stem from childhood, I can clearly remember the first time I wanted to kill myself and thought death would be far more preferable than living. It was on the way home from a school trip to Holland and I was 14 years old. I just did not want to return home and I remember praying that the school bus would crash. My childhood was quite tough, my parents divorced when I was 7 and my Mum turned to alcohol, drugs and a variety of boyfriends. I blamed my Dad for a long time for leaving us in that toxic household and have only just rekindled any form of relationship with him. I don’t have any contact at the moment with my Mum at all.
According to the psychiatrists I have bipolar disorder, I’m still not convinced by the diagnosis but I take Olanzapine every day and have diazepam for acute attacks of anxiety. This diagnosis comes from a string of dealing with the mental health services including some admissions to hospital.
I have tried journalling in the past to help me deal with issues but I’m from the generation that finds typing flows easier than handwriting so I have decided to try and put my thoughts out there on a blog. It is risky I know to share publicly but I hope to connect to others who are going through similar troubles.
Purple Owl x