Sorry I haven’t blogged for a few days, I’ve been in a funny old place mentally and haven’t had the motivation to write.

I thought I’d break the hiatus by writing up another session from my ‘Managing Emotions’ group I have been going to.  I’m pleased to say that even though I haven’t been writing, I have been attending my usual groups to get out of the house.

What emotions do for you:

  •  Emotions motivate and organise you for action
    • The action urge is often hard wired into our biology
    • They save us time in getting us to act in important situations
  • Emotions communicate to and influence others
    • Facial expressions are hard-wired aspects of emotions that communicate faster than words
  • Emotions communicate to ourselves
    • Emotional reactions can give us important information about a situation
    • Gut feelings can be like intuition.

What makes it hard to regulate your emotions:

  • Biology
  • Lack of skill
  • Reinforcement of emotional behaviour
  • Moodiness
    • Using emotional mind rather than wise mind
  • Emotional Overload
  • Emotion Myths

Checking the Facts

Many emotions and actions are set off by our thoughts and interpretations of events, not by the events themselves.

Event → thoughts → emotions

Our emotions can also have a big effect on our thoughts about events

Event → emotions → thoughts

Checking the facts can help us change our emotions.

How to Check the Facts

  1. Ask: what is the emotion involved?
  2. Ask: What is the event prompting my emotion? – describe the facts you observe using your senses.
  3. Ask: What are my interpretations, thoughts, and assumptions about the event? – think of other possible interpretations, look at all points of view
  4. Ask: Am I assuming a threat?
  5. Ask: What’s the catastrophe?
  6. Ask: Does my emotion and its intensity fit the actual facts?

Examples of Emotions That Fit the Facts


  1. There is a threat to your life or that of someone you care about
  2. There is a threat to your health or that of someone you care about
  3. There is a threat to your well being or that of someone you care about


  1. An important goal is blocked
  2. You are attacked or hurt by others
  3. You are insulted
  4. The integrity of your social group is offended or threatened


  1. Something could poison you
  2. Somebody you deeply dislike is touching you


  1. Another person or group gets or has things that you don’t have


  1. A very important and desired relationship is in danger of being lost
  2. Someone is threatening to take a valued object away from you.


  1. Loving a person enhances the quality of your life


  1. You have lost something or someone permanently


  1. You will be rejected by a person or group you care about if your behaviour is made public


  1. Your own behaviour violates your own values or moral code.