Changes can begin in this moment.  I am willing to change

-Louise Hay

I like change.  Change for me is quite settling, it’s routines and sameness I struggle with.  I love starting new projects but I have trouble completing them.  I love moving house but have trouble staying places and making friends.  Change for me can be an excuse to not finish things.  So, I am very aware that change happens and can happen any moment.

I guess what I need to be willing to change is my commitment to things and that too can begin in this moment.  Things I would like to change and what I can do about theme, right now, today:

  • My weight.  I keep going on about this but not actually making any concrete changes.  My weight needs to change and today I can avoid the snacks.  Yesterday was not a good eating day, I ate a massive bag (the ones you’re supposed to share) of salt and vinegar crisps and a big bag of peanut M+Ms.  Today I will avoid snacks and drink water or chew gum instead.
  • Procrastination.  I am spending too much time avoiding things I have to do.  I will make a list and work in hour chunks to get through it.

Those are a big two and if I can tackle these two things by change then I will be making a huge difference to my life.

Like I said yesterday was not a good day.  My diet was rubbish and my anxiety was pretty bad.  I ended up having to take some of my diazepam to calm me down.  I don’t know which came first, the mood and therefore I ate rubbish or eating rubbish making me feel bad.  I ended up on the couch under a big duvet for most of the day.

Some positive things I managed to get done: I did do some work on my art course and managed three preliminary sketches for my next assignment.  An assignment I’m behind in but my tutor is letting me catch up.  I also wrote and sent a letter to one of my new penpals from a facebook group.

Today, on the theme of change is going to be a different day.  I have to leave the house as I have a dress to post and I have my psychiatrist check up at 4pm today.  I’m hoping to discuss with him my medication and weight gain.  I want to try and switch to something with less weight gain especially as I’m trying to lose weight.  It’s a difficult decision though as it does keep me stable.