Love is the miracle cure. Loving myself works miracles in my life.
Loving myself does not come easy for me. I struggle a lot of the times with accepting that I am worthy of love. I do not think I am beautiful and I do not think I am a nice person. These are things I am trying to work on constantly. I know I have done wrong in the past and I am working on forgiving myself.
I find love much easier to give out to other people. I love my daughter and partner very much and would do anything for either of them. I know I must learn to love myself with the same passion and honesty. At the moment, I am trying a ‘fake it till you make it’ approach with daily acts of self-care that allow me to appreciate myself more. I can make lists of what I think my good qualities are but I struggle to believe them honestly.
I will say though that things are improving. I don’t hate myself as much as I did a couple of years ago.
The daily blogging, acts of self-care and mindfulness are helping me a lot as is taking medication regularly.
Yesterday was an okay day. I pottered around in the morning and then went to the new ‘managing emotions’ group in the afternoon. The group was pretty useful, it was all women and I met a lovely lady who grew up near where I did so we bonded over the shared places we knew. The group itself focused almost entirely on mindfulness and I have a lot to write up about, some new tips that I picked up. I will keep on going as I think it will be useful.
I then came home and ordered Bangladeshi food in as a take away. I actually only ate the starter as I was so full after just that so I have yummy curry to look forward to for dinner this evening too!
I then finished watching ’13 reasons why’ and ended up falling asleep on the couch which wasn’t a good move as I didn’t sleep well and I am now very achy.
Today, I have nothing really planned other than jobs in the house. I need to do some cleaning, some studying and make some phone calls, nothing exciting today!