Today my Nanna would have been 85 years old.

Sadly, she died a few years ago and I still miss her a lot.  As my Mum was so absent through alcohol in my childhood my Nanna really took on the mother-role.  She cooked for us, still the best food I’ve ever had, looked after us and took us on holiday.

I didn’t see her much in her last few years of life and this is something I will always regret.  I didn’t even go to her funeral and I’ve never visited her memorial stone.  Her last few years of life coincided with a very selfish period of my life and a period when my bipolar was particularly bad.  I haven’t visited her memorial as it would make it all too real, I think I’m in denial that she’s gone.  I will go one day but I’m not ready.

It saddens me that she never met my daughter or partner, I am sure she would have loved them both.

She was a magnificent lady.  A force to be reckoned with.  I wish she was still here.

I think today is going to be a tough day.