I have been off work for nearly 5-months now and it may seem silly to say this but I’m only just coming to the conclusion that it is because I am sick and needed to take care of myself. I have felt so much guilt about not being in work that I lost track of why. Over this past week I have really started to turn in my views and I now see myself as being unwell and I’m getting the help I need. I think blogging on here has helped far more than anything I’ve tried in the past, it has allowed me to really reflect on my own thoughts, get things off my chest and most importantly connect with other people in similar situations.
I have also been hiding from people that I’m not working, members of my family and most of my friends don’t know I’m off work and I’ve mainly been hiding in the house as a result which hasn’t helped the anxiety as I keep expecting to bump into one of them when I am out. However, now I feel prepared for if I do meet anyone – I will just be honest with them and say “I am ill but I’m recovering”.
I’ve had this illness now for over 15-years and so it seems even sillier that it has taken me this long to view it as an illness and not as a personal weakness. It’s cliched to say but if I was diabetic I wouldn’t be apologising for my illness, so why should I just because the organ at fault is the brain not the pancreas?